Over before it's begun

So, I feel like a great big fool, and am embarrassed for not having waited until all things were double confirmed and stamped and sealed and I was actually inside of the clinic to begin a blog.

Uh... Not doing it anymore.

It's really too hard and complicated and silly to explain all of the details, but essentially, I cannot participate in this round of the study, though they'd like me to participate in October or November when they'll be doing the identical study with the same test groups. To be honest, I woke up this morning really feeling reticent about doing it, and it was a wait until 4pm to get the final "yes" or "no" from the clinic (again, too hard to explain), and when it was finally determined that I wouldn't be participating today, I felt immediately relieved. As did my parents and my brother, by the way. But I also started crying, because I NEED THAT MONEY!!! And then I realized how much I've been relying on getting that paycheck, and relying less on the miraculous ways that God provides.

So, I'm back to $24.00 in my checking account, and believing this won't last forever. And it won't! And maybe my liver will last a little bit longer.

I am so sorry for leading you all on, though. Please forgive me! Twas not intentional by any stretch of the imagination.

Have a wonderful weekend! xoxo ~Vanessa